The Return

For weeks I was in denial that I was going back to work. After all -- my little boy is so much fun now - why on earth would I go back to work? I mean let's face it, he still throws up, poops, and pees one me, but now he also smiles, giggles, coos, and is starting to sit up.

This past week has been like a ticking time bomb. So on Monday when our dear nanny came for her "trial period", I was still in denial. The trial was a joke, because she knew what she was doing already. It was really just a reassurance to me that she could do the job. Of course, she was wonderful and my dear boy loved her. Every time I would pass the refrigerator with the calendar, my heart would get heavy. Could I do it? Would I be a basket case? Would I survive?

The answer to all of the questions is yes. I won't say that it was easy. In fact it was the hardest thing I've had to do. I cried a lot leading up to today. So this morning my little boy awoke at 4 am for his feeding and again at 5:30. Instead of being bleary eyed, I was wide awake and took notice of everything about my sweet one. His new hair, chubby legs and wrists, bright blue eyes and a big smile when I lifted him out of the crib.

I hopped in the shower at 6 and was shockingly ready at 6:30. I took my sweet boy from his daddy's arms and didn't let go of him until the nanny arrived at 7. I put on my brave face and drove to work. And then I cried.. out loud and profusely for about a half an hour.

At 10:30, my nanny's dear daughter called to report that everything was OK and my little one was napping. I was relieved and happy.

I've still had a couple of moments where the tears have welled up, but I'm OK. I just can't wait to get home. The minutes are ticking by slowly.

I'm very lucky to have a wonderful husband and wonderful friends and wonderful family members who are so supportive. Kind words and reassurance are what new mommies need to hear. I'm just glad that I have that.

More pics tonight I hope, but not until I've spent the remainder of my little one's waking hours today.